Brighton is garnering a good reputation in the world of whores for being increasingly impressive and flexible when catering to the niche fetish market. Some brothels even offer a 24 hour guarantee – that they can lay on your most perverted desire with just 24 hours notice – even if your desire is to be dominated by an albino transvestite dwarf from Nauru, who is riding around on a left-handed panda gimp.

Some of the madams I spoke to recently though said that they aere somewhat disappointed with the average customers’ rather pedestrian perversions. It’s hard, they say, to cultivate Brighton’s role as the avant garde of the prostitution world when the most adventurous punter they’ve had all week asked for the Double Guinea MILF shake.

Such things might cause a raised eyebrow or two in the rest of Sussex, but it’s not going to win a whore any awards for innovation or style, is it?

Do me a favour, next time you’re whoring it up in Brighton, be a little imaginative, won’t you? There are girls out there just desperate to try something a little outré – please, give them a run for their money!

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